"You should always believe what you read in the newspapers, for that makes them more interesting."

"Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it."

"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me."

"Whenever I get married I start buying Gourmet Magazine ."

"Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters."

"When you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said ``hush' just once."

"Daughters go into analysis hating their fathers and come out hating their mothers. They never come out hating themselves."

"Mothers are a biological necessity; fathers are a social invention."

"Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups."

"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."

"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title."

"Politeness is half good manners and half good lying."

"Women want mediocre men, and men are working to become as mediocre as possible."

"One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty."

"Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release."

"Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody."

"Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle."

"When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living."