"One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty."

"Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release."

"Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody."

"Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle."

"When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat."

"A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits."

"Van Gogh became a painter because he had no ear for music."

"Falling out of love is very enlightening. For a short while you see the world with new eyes."

"Every little girl knows about love. It is only her capacity to suffer because of it that increases."

"She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake."

"Nobody speaks the truth when there is something they must have."

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."

"Doctors and nurses are people who give you medicine until you die."

"Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool."

"Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite."

"Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life."

"The older one grows, the more one likes indecency."

"I am ashamed of confessing that I have nothing to confess."