"Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle."

"When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living."

"When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat."

"A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits."

"Van Gogh became a painter because he had no ear for music."

"Falling out of love is very enlightening. For a short while you see the world with new eyes."

"Every little girl knows about love. It is only her capacity to suffer because of it that increases."

"She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake."

"Nobody speaks the truth when there is something they must have."

"Doctors and nurses are people who give you medicine until you die."

"Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool."

"Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite."

"Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life."

"The older one grows, the more one likes indecency."

"I am ashamed of confessing that I have nothing to confess."

"There are some people who leave impressions not so lasting as the imprint of an oar upon the water."

"Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections."

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."